I've been scolded recently, very recently for not being more cheerful about the life I've been given, more specifically...we as a family have been given. I'd love to say something profound, but this at the core is not profound. People survive, cope, and thrive in many ways. My way is just not as sunny as others.
Now I know, I do....I love reading blogs and posts from SN parents that are super "Yay my kid" and "I wouldn't have it any other way" I have a few myself that come a smidge close to that. But while those are lovely and leave warm feelings and happy tears for all that read....that isn't my reality.
People assume that this means I am weathering my life with less Grace than others. And I assure you, it's not that. Because I believe that Grace includes transparent honesty...even if that honesty doesn't leave people wanting to sing "You are my Sunshine" and sit around pretending the disabilities no longer create road blocks for children.
No. Having a fierce outlook, not what others perceive to be Grace, is what gets a person ahead when road blocks are everywhere they look. Will. Will to overcome....even if it means you are not sunshine and roses about it. I'm not sunshine and roses, and neither are my children. I'm okay with that.
While sunshine and roses posts make people feel good, they do not achieve the goal I have in mind when I post about my life with these children, the goal of helping other SN parents not feel so alone. If everything feels like shit...because your reality is shitty and all you come across are people telling you how happy you should feel about it....well, that's pretty isolating isn't it? So not only am I in hell, but it's also a hell built for one? I don't think so. As I see it, SN parents are already isolated and marginalized by society, they don't need to be marginalized by other special needs parents.
And if you think it's untrue.....join a mommy forum and bring up a topic specific to SN parents, watch as the pitch forks come out. The truth is, everyone wants to say they are open minded, inclusive, compassionate, understanding....but just mention Autism...accomodations....developmental delays and watch the Neuro typical brigade make an ass out of themselves. No. People get enough of that, they don't need it from me as well.
So it's a new year and I should be posting something deeply introspective, upbeat, and blah blah. But I'm not. Because my reality is that home with my two kids...it's sad and it's hard. Yes we are happy, but it's bittersweet and it's wicked hard work. And then I go to work, in a town filled with sadness, everywhere you look. Poverty, homelessness, drugs....death...neglect, sadness. And while there is a reason filled with Grace, that I am there. A desire to do the most good with my specific talent. It doesn't make it easier. It's a hard life. And I'm not all "Happy Happy Joy Joy" about it. It's sad. But you'll notice I never said it wasn't worth it. It is. So are my children. Try not to confuse that emotion with happy because they are not mutually exclusive.
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