First Wedding Anniversary

This weekend Phill and I packed Asher up and headed for Vermont to celebrate the craziest year either one of us has ever lived! Yes we are talking about the 12 months that followed our wedding! So many things have changed in the year we have been an official family, I don't even know where to start. But of course the biggest change for us has been the birth of Asher exactly 9 months after our wedding : )

Phill and I are used to heading for the mountains unplanned. Just throwing some clothes into a bag and packing up the toothbrushes and heading on our way. Very different story when you have a 3 month old in tow! It took me the entire morning we left to get everything together that we would need and a good solid hour to get everything to fit in the car.

But, we did get everything to fit and took off on schedule! While we were in Vermont we visited the American Precision Museum....which was very cool and was for obvious reasons Phill's favorite part of the trip! We also went to the Vermont Teddy Bear Company and took the tour...which was very cool....Asher LOVED it! I'd say he loved it more than the older children. After the tour we purchased Asher a Bear Cub to commemorate his first trip to Vermont. The Ben and Jerry's tour was a little more than dissapointing. The tour itself wasn't interesting, it was difficult to navigate with the carriage, and the sample was NOT worth the wait. Although I will say, there were amazing smells coming from the on sight ice cream stand. Yummmm.

Phill and I then headed to New Hampshire and stayed in the hotel that we stayed in the first night of our honey moon and went out to eat at the same restraunt....which was just as amazing one year later! After that we headed south and stayed for two days at the Indian Head Resort....which was a really great find. We are definately going to go back for a longer stay when Asher is a little older and can enjoy the activities.

And now we're home....our 3 month old has decided that 5 days away has killed his routine and schedule....so I'm off to deal with my screaming baby!

Whats the big deal?

I post on a message board for new moms and lately I've been seeing tons of posts about Breast Feeding and Breast Feeding in public. It seems to me that there are two sides to this hot debate and I can't figure out what the big deal is either way.

I started out nursing Asher and it was apparent from day one that nursing....is DIFFICULT! It is not the easy process that a lot of people think it is. In the hospital I almost had a nervous breakdown because he couldn't latch right and then he couldn't suck and swallow and he would scream! The nursing consultant even told us, "He may never be able to nurse, I'd buy some formula" And Immediately I felt like the worst mother on the face of the Earth! Why? Because so many people had said to me throughout my entire pregnancy "I hope you plan on nursing!"

Heres what I find strange about it. So many people were quick to tell me that nursing in the best thing for my baby, but those same people got embarrassed at my shower when my sister gave me a breast pump, and I guarrantee those same people would have something to say if I nursed Asher off to the side at a function or something. But heres what I have to say.....Nursing a baby in a public bathroom is disgusting and you have to leave the house at some point. I just find it interesting that those same people who talked my ear off about the benefits to nursing are the same ones who think the act itself is something disgusting and should be hidden. So you want me to nurse, but you want it to be really difficult. Nice logic.

On the other side of the debate is the formula feeding stance. I have to admit, a small part of me was relieved when I was told that I could no longer nurse Asher. I felt sad that I couldn't and sad that he had a medical condition that made it so, but relieved that I would no longer have to struggle with something that frustrated both Asher and I and was super painful to boot. But I have to say that even though I have no choice but to formula feed, I still get defensive when people look down on me for doing it. I can't tell you how many people have remarked "Oh, you're feeding him formula? Well breast feeding is best" Thanks a lot...... I've even been accused of being too lazy to breast feed. And I absoultely hate that I always feel the need to defend myself and explain! I hate that I feel ashamed about it. Because the truth of the matter is, it shouldn't matter to other people how you feed your baby, it should matter that you do feed your baby, and that your baby is thriving and happy.

The Ellusive Tumor

Of course only so ellusive as you can see it on both CT scans and on MRI. But I say its ellusive because mentally its ellusive to me. I haven't talked about it a whole lot, its almost like it doesn't exist...until I get to thinking about it.

I have a repeat MRI in a couple weeks. Its been torture waiting and waiting for the appt. I'd just like some answers already...... That MRI should tell us what type of tumor it is. I already know its not cancerous, but now I need to know if its harmless. There are two types of tumors it could be, the first is harmless and something like 7% of the population has it and doesn't even know it. They live out long healthy lives without ever having an issue with it. The second is called a Hepatic Adenoma, which although not cancerous can cause many many health problems and would need to be removed.

Liver surgery I'm told is not like getting your gall bladder removed, its very serious surgery which has a very lengthy recover period and requires a few days in the ICU. This stresses me out. This type of tumor grows...especially when exposed to estrogen....like I don't know...PREGNANCY! Wonderful. It can potentially rupture or you can hemorage if it gets too big.

I made the mistake of looking at statistics tonight....I don't know why I did that, I just freaked myself out. Mostly I think I did it because I've been worrying, the pain on my upper left abdomen has been coming and going, nothing like when I was in the hospital and my liver function was all over the place, but still its there and it worries me. 7% of the population would notice if they felt this way, so I have to wonder if its type 2 and if it is, why does that mean for me?

Medical crisis after medical crisis....all I want to do is enjoy my baby. If it hasn't been him its been me. And how would that work anyway? Being in the hospital without him for a week was hard enough. The recovery from the surgery and illness sucked and I had to hire a nanny just to pick him up and feed him. How would I do a lengthier recovery from a more serious surgery?

I also made the mistake tonight of looking at the rates of mortality from complications and surgery...... For someone who wants sleep so badly, I sure know how to make sure I can't sleep at all! So thats what I'm doing right now, worrying about something I have no control over and watching my baby sleep, it makes me feel better when I get to feeling this way!

Tummy Time and Other Much Hated Things

Asher loaths tummy time! He has a really nice tummy time mat and a really patient big cousin who will get down on the floor with him, but still....he won't have any of it! The Pedi said we should aim for 2-3 15 min sessions a day......right. Hes down there for 5 minutes and his is DONE! Still being the mean Mommy that I am, I make him do it!

So no everyone can stop asking now..... Asher is not even close to rolling over, not front to back, not back to front, not continous....nothing at all. I figure its a matter of motivation...he just doesn't care to do it and when he does...then he just will.

Dianne told me a story about Phill once. They were at a family gathering when he was about 14months old and everyone was asking if Phill was walking yet. As Dianne was telling them that no, he wasn't even close to walking, and wasn't even trying, Phill got up and walked straight across the room. Not one of two steps, across the room. Maybe Asher will be like that. He'll do things when it suits him and not because some developmental book says he should or not because I want him to!

Asher is pretty strong however, so I'm not too worried about it. If you hold his hands and try to get him to pull himself up into a seated postion, he will bypass it and pull himself so that he is standing up. Once hes steady, you can let go of one hand and he'll stand holding onto one hand. So like I said, its just a lack of motivation.

Another thing he absolutely hates right now is being burped. I can't figure out why since it ultimately leads to feeling better and not throwing up. But the actually process is always met with such a fuss you would think that we hadn't just fed him or something. Little punk!

He does have some loves too. We may be in trouble, because Mister Man loves to watch TV. If we face him away from the TV he will turn his body in his swing, jumper, RNP...what have you to see the TV. We laugh, but its really not funny...its like hes turning into Mike TV...... Not good. Phill and I used to watch TV while we were falling asleep....until Asher is out of our room we can't do that anymore...lest he get dependant on watching TV to fall asleep as well. So for now we are trying our best to not form bad, hard to break habits......Mister Mister may have other ideas.

2 Month Professional Pictures

A couple weeks ago Asher and I met up with Ali and Aiden to take the boy's first set of non hospital professional photos. We went to Sears because it was the easiest option. At some point We are going to take both Boys, Kylee, and Ethan when he gets here to a studio that belongs to one of Phill's friends and have a whole slew of pictures taken. Anyway, I plan to get Asher's picture taken every month. While we were there, we both signed up for a super saver card that allows you to bring your baby in anytime you want with no session fee and a free 8 x 10. I figure I can get it taken each month and then just get the free 8 x 10 and scan the picture in, but buy bigger packages at 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, and 1 year.

I was pretty worried about the timing of the whole thing. Asher had to be awake and alert, fed, and have a clean butt in order for this whole thing to go down well. And I made it work for the most part, that is until a really rude woman showed up at the studio! Asher was in an awesome mood and Aiden decided he needed to eat RIGHT AWAY, so we decided that Asher would go first. He was in a great mood, smiling and cooing. About five minutes in, a woman showed up demanding to be waited on immediately (Very loudly) and then was upset because her pictures weren't ready yet, even though she showed up early to get them! Anyway, by the time the photographer was done dealing with her, Asher had lost his great mood and started to cry, so I only got a couple good shots! I'm adding that lady to my "list".

Aiden went next and his pictures came out so awesome. But by the time they were done and it was time for the boys to get their picture taken together, they were both DONE! So Ali and I are taking them back tomorrow for a re shoot....hopefully those come out great. It would be so awesome if we could document the friendship back to infancy for them.

Next week Chelle and I plan to take advantage of my super saver card and take Kylee to get her picture taken and maybe then we will get Asher and Kylee together : ) Call me picture crazy...I've been this way my whole life. I think it stems down to the fact that there are very few pictures of me as a little girl.

When I first starting dating Phill, his mother brought up 18 photo albums (1 for each year)! That's how many pictures Phill has of his childhood. And they are all great pictures too. I want Asher to have something like that going on.

P.S Family Members: If you have pictures of me as a child, I would love a copy : )

Acute Multiple Protein Allergy

I figure that if I see it enough times in writing, I'll come to terms with it. What does it mean? In short there is almost nothing that I can feed my kid. I don't want Asher to grow up being the kid in the bubble, but how will I be able to experiment with foods as he grows up if I'm risking another severe allergic episode.

Chelle and I have talked a lot about learning how to make our own baby food....I'm thinking this is really the only way to go with Asher. If you look at nutrition labels, almost everything is fortified with protein, even vegetables. The only way I can really bypass this is to buy fresh fruits and veggies and make my own foods for him. Neocate (The formula that hes on) is a straight Amino Acids formula, so even fresh fruits and veggies could be hard for him to digest. There is an amino acid food base paste that I can add veggie to, but I really hate to think of him eating like that until hes 5 or 6 which is when most children start to outgrow this type of allergy.

I've been reassured that most children do eventually outgrow it, but there is a small population that has to eat this medical food crap for the rest of their lives. I don't know, I like to eat more than most I guess. I like the way food tastes and I like to try different things. Its one of the awesome parts of life. Its sad to think that there are people that don't get those experiences and even sadder to me that my child may be one of them.

To make up for the inequity, they make flavor packets for the formula and food paste....but in my view its still a raw deal. Case in point, Asher's first birthday. Almost all parents stand poised with a camera over that first taste of cake, which inevitably ends up all over the baby's face, in the hair....everywhere. I'd like one of those pictures....I'd like one very much. But how will I make a cake for him. Weight Watchers has a nice cake recipe, but it requires the use of boxed cake mix....which has been fortified with protein. Even gluten free cakes have protein in them. If I try to make my own cake and exchange milk and eggs with Neocate...there is a huge possibility that the cake won't rise. And then what the hell would I do for frosting?

You see the problem? Its very frustrating. I'm taking him to see his GI specialist at the end of the month and I imagine this will be a top contender on the list of things to talk about. After all, Asher will be three months old in a few days. I only have a couple months before food would be introduced, I really need to learn how to make it now.

I tried joining a couple web based support sites for other mom's in this situation, but almost all of them have children with Nut, Soy, or Milk Protein Allergies. I haven't yet met another mom with a baby who has been diagnosed Acute Multiple Protein Allergy. So I haven't even been able to web surf for answers. I guess I would feel slightly better if his condition wasn't so rare. I mean the pharmacy doesn't even stock his formula. When I called they told me there isn't anyone else who has a prescription for it in town, so it would take them several days to a week to get their hands on it for us. Awesome. So in the meantime if you run out of food what do you do? The answer? Pedialyte. As much as Asher loves the taste....its just not a replacement for food. He needs something like three times as much Pedilyte as formula anyway, so feeding him is exhausting, which is why you see the pictures of him feeding himself. Those are Pedialyte bottles.

There is the hope that lingers though. Some kids do outgrow this by 1 or 2 years of age. I think about that when we're having a rough feeding day.

Why start a blog now?

I read other people's blogs all the time. I've never really desired a blog of my own. Afterall, I totally stink at keeping up with journal writing...how much better can I possibly be at this? But with family and friends spread all over the country it only makes sense to have some way other than Facebook to keep people up to date with our on goings.

Asher is almost three months old! This is a concept that I find completely crazy! It went by so quickly even though it was filled with crises after crises. But I'm happy to say that no one is in the hospital right now and that we are happily adjusting to having everyone at home, healthy, and whole.

Recently we've had a couple nice surpises. First off Michelle is having a little boy! Ethan James Jones will only be 6.5 months younger than Asher.....pretty awesome for them don't you think? Now we have to think about planning Chelle's sprinkle and things like rearranging the nursery.

The basement project is underway starting today! What will we do with all that space? As lovely as our room is, its too small for all our stuff and keeping it clean is tough....we all know how clean I am........right. Today Phill and Kris are pressure washing the basement floor and Chelle and I will be going through stuff thats been stored down there and deciding what will make it to the yard sale pile, what will get thrown away, and what will be stored somewhere else.

In a few weeks Kris' contractor friend is coming out and the boys will be doing all the eletrical, flooring and wall work. This means that sometime in August Phill and I will have a sizable room and living space and Asher will have his own nursery. The path to saving for an awesome house has been laid. Now we just need to learn how to save!