Someone sent me a link to a Katy Perry video not too long ago, I ignored it, because seriously, I don't like Katy Perry. It was someone who knew me well and I couldn't help thinking "really? I thought you knew me!" Turns out that person knows me so well, they know when I can get past myself and enjoy something on a different level. So a week goes by and I get a FB message "Have you listened to the video yet?" Only I haven't and I can no longer find the link. So this friend directs me to another friend's page and for the first time I see the title "Katy Perry sings Firework with Autistic girl" So now I have to watch even though I've never liked Katy Perry. Wow. I'd never really listened to the words before, it was just a poppy song that I would sometimes listen to on the radio if no other station had something better, but most times I switched it off.
But the words of this song, fit Autism so well. I'll share them here in case you've never really listed. I cut out most of the repeat chorus.
"Firework"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?
Do you ever feel already buried deep six feet under?
Scream but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you?
You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July
'Cause, baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe
You don't have to feel like a wasted space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe the reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time you'll know
You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough
So there is a lot in there that a parent of an autistic child can identify with, especially the first lines. But feeling trapped inside and screaming when no one can hear you, I often wonder if that is how Asher feels and what is must feel like for him. It is something I always worry about. To listen to these words and listen to an Autistic child sing them, broke my heart.
But more than that, likening Asher to a firework shooting across the sky, well that makes sense. Sometimes lights come on in his eyes and you can see the fireworks in his head lighting up. On these days we tell him "Wow you're on fire" Because sometimes he is so on it and so with it and so connected to us, himself, his thoughts, and able to communicate what is going on in his brilliant little mind. I really live for these days with him. On these days, it is almost impossible to see the things that make him so different from other children. I can see the fireworks, the little ball of energy shooting around my house, explosion of colorful ideas, make believe, intensity that would have been hard to imagine the day before. He is a firework. It is a perfect description.
So I think of him that way sometimes, a little closed up boy walking around with so much to share and sometimes I wonder what the future will hold for him. It is dangerous to think that way, I've blogged about it in the past, but with a child like Asher you have to live in the day and in the moment and appreciate the small bursts of shinning color when they come.
Lately Asher has really been into "Planes" so despite the fact that it got terrible reviews and he was terrible the last time we took him to the movies, we loaded him up and took him to see it. There were very few people in the theater, and at the table right next to ours, was a three year old little girl. She had adorable red hair and was sitting there so calmly and well behaved. Asher was excited to see the movie and I could see the wheels turning in his head, "Oh no! He is going to get overstimulated!" And I see him struggling, he is bopping back and forth between our chairs, running around the table, asking to be squeezed. And I panic for a moment thinking "Where going to have to leave and he is going to be so disappointed" Ugh. But this little girl came up to him and said:
"I'm Gabriella, wanna sit with me?"
"Yeah, I Asher, let's sit"
And so the two of them move their chairs so they are right next to each other. I glance nervously out of the corner of my eye at the other mom. But she seems fine with this turn of events "Phew!" So I sat back and watched, I listened, I was worried that like most kids, she would get frustrated eventually and he would be left sitting alone. But really as it happened that day, he was on fire. A little firework that charted excitedly to his new friend about the movie, kept her engaged in the conversation. You could see the fireworks going off in his head. It was adorable and what I would expect to see if typical kids seeing a movie together. They cheered when they plane was saved from the Ocean, they cheered when he won the race, they clapped at the end of the movie and I may have even seen them holding hands for the briefest of times.
It was one of those perfect typical days that Autism parents rarely get. And when they do, it is like a gift. I will never see fireworks for the rest of my life and not think of Asher. Hopefully, I won't have to think of Katy Perry every time, but even so, if I do, I just want to say thank you to her, that she is the type of person who would do something like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QX-xToQI34I
