I'm a bad blogger. I may have mentioned that in the beginning of the whole "cole slaw" project. Maybe I didn't. I haven't updated for two reasons and they are contradictory to each other. 1. There hasn't been much to blog about 2. And there has been so much going on that I haven't had time. Lol. I know that doesn't make sense. But I guess what I am trying to say is that not much has been happening that I think people would really want to read about.
Our lives have continued in the same daze of therapies, fighting insurance, and work work work. Just nothing dramatic. Asher started school, he loves it! He is on a two week break right now and cries for school every morning. I hope he loves school this much when he is older! The two week break has given me the opportunity to do intensive potty training, which was encouraged by the Autism Specialist he sees. He has been successful in many ways, but we've failed miserably in others...mainly in the poop department. Its okay, baby steps. Having Asher as my little boy has really taught me to be okay with taking small successful steps. Patience has never been my strong point.
Asher's language has really taken off! We do sometimes still see the differences between how he uses his language and how typical children use language, but I think his speech is in a pretty good place. The thousands of dollars spent on intensive speech therapy were the best dollars I've ever spent. I'd do it again in a heart beat. The older he gets though, the more clear the parts of him that are "autistic" become. For example, he is so damn rigid with his language.
This morning the house creaked and Asher said "Woah what that?" I told him "Don't worry the house is creaking" He immediately sprung up from the couch and said "Oh no my house is breaking!" I told him "No creaking! The house is not breaking!" He said "NO! Cracking! Is Breaking!" And he has been stressed out about it ever since. He walked up the stairs just now and came back down when he was just halfway up because a stair creaked and he didn't want it to break with him on it. I kinda wish I could go back and use a different explanation like "The house is just saying "Hi" to us" He wouldn't have understood what I meant at all, but he would have accepted that I gave him a passable answer and moved on with his day. Now he is stuck on the damn house breaking and it is driving me batty. I would be thoroughly annoyed if it wasn't for the fact that it is clearly causing him anxiety. I just have to sigh at this point, hug my little boy to reassure him every two minutes, and silently wonder to myself how long until he moves on from thoughts of the house breaking. I'm going to be so mad at myself if I'm still dealing with this in a week...which for us is a very real possibility!
In most ways though, he has just become more of a delightful little boy. He has so many interests and has really started to take of with imaginative play...its really fun to watch! This leads me to my last sentiments for a while. I know this will receive mixed reactions, so I'm saying it now to save myself from hearing dissapointment when the actual time comes. So many people have really had strong opinions about this. But after some really careful thought, searching our hearts, going through Pros and Cons, Phill and I have decided that we very much want another baby. There are so many reasons, but it comes down to not wanting Asher to be alone. I love my brothers and sisters, each one of them represents one of the best parts of my life. I want my son to have that, I want my future child to have that in Asher as well.
That being said, I really don't want to be asked questions about Autism and our fears that another child will have it. The answer is yes, we worry, but we still think that life would be valuable and we cherish Asher. If you ask us that question, it will feel like a slight against our beautiful little boy, so please don't do that. We really don't want to field questions about statistics that a new child would also have Primary Immuno Deficiency and get any sort of judgement in that regard. That is why I am saying this now, so that when the time comes, we can have people just be happy for us like they would be for anyone else.
We've been trying for a while now without success and have moved on to fertility treatments. It could take a long time. Who knows. Whatever shall be shall be. And it is what it is. Hopefully we can all see eye to eye on that much.
