A Humble Heartfelt Thank You!

Its the time of year to reflect and give thanks. I was thinking about how crazy life can be, this time last year I was counting down the days until my pregnancy reached viability and praying for a healthy full term baby. Its amazing how life changes in such a short time. After all what is a year but 300 plus days? I find myself especially grateful, despite all the trials and tribulations that have faced my small family. I'm growing more as a person and embracing the positive aspect to all our challenges. I have many things to be grateful for and I would be remiss to leave anything out, so I'm going to attack this in an organized Fashion.

I am Grateful for my wonderful family!

This year my husband and I were blessed with a gorgeous baby boy! I can't say enough about Asher and how wonderful he has made my life. This year I am thankful that God has given me the gift of Asher Benjamin!

I am grateful for my sister and my brother in law, who have given us a beautiful home to live in while we save for our house, endless amounts of support and love, and a gorgeous niece and nephew! This year I am grateful for Michelle, Kris, Kylee Ceriah, and Ethan James!

I am grateful for The family that I have chosen and the families who have chosen me. For Asher's Mimi, who loves him like her own, for Asher's Uncles and Auntie who keep his pictures by their beds and keep him in their thoughts and prayers. This year I am grateful for the whole Webber house hold.

I am grateful for my Aunt Coleen, who dropped everything two weeks after having major surgery to take care of Asher while I was in the hospital having emergency surgery and then hospitalized with a serious illness.

I am grateful that my mother has grown as a person and continues to be faithful to her sobriety and the love that she feels for my son.

I am grateful for Phill's family who has become my family. For Asher's Grammy and Gram for loving him. For Lori and Paul who have offered our family help when we've needed it, for Sylvia who is a bank of knowledge and encouragement, and for all the Cole's who make having a large family fun!

This year I am grateful for my three big sisters, who I've always known about, but who have just recently come into my life. For Carol who sought us out and filled in some gaps in our past, for Elaine (My look alike) who shares many of my personality traits, her daughter Jackie...who is a smart, intelligent, beautiful young woman, and for Kelly, who is beautiful inside and out : ) This year is the first year that I can say I am grateful to my birth father, if only for the opportunity to have Carol, Elaine, and Kelly in my life.

I am Grateful for Medical Science

This year I am especially grateful for all those who were blessed with greater intelligence than myself and a passion for healing.

I am grateful to the doctor's at Tufts Floating Hospital for Children, who worked tirelessly to stabilize, diagnose, and treat my son when at just 11 weeks old he suffered a severe allergic emergency and stopped breathing.

I am grateful to live in a time where doctor's know a lot about rare medical conditions and have medicine and medical food to feed children who in past generations would have died.

I am grateful for a little boy who takes all his setback in stride and continues to be a ray of sunshine in my life.

I am grateful to the doctor's at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center who took care of me during my high risk pregnancy, delivered my baby, took care of me when my liver failed, saved my kidneys, and delivered my sister's baby.

I Am Grateful for my Husband

I am grateful to have a husband who works many hours over time week after week to provide for his family and allow me to stay at home and take care of Asher. I am grateful to Phill for the love and adoration he has for our son and for the things that he has given up in order to have a closer relationship with his family....like the business that he poured his heart into.

I Am Grateful for My Friends

For Ali who talks me through all my problems and always has a listening ear, and great advice. For her beautiful son Aiden who will grow up with Asher. I am grateful for the social outlet known as The Bump, it keeps this stay at home mom sane! I am grateful for all the women whom I've never met, but have helped me through a lot of tough times. I am especially thankful for a few of these women who have taken a special interest in my family and have kept us in their thoughts and prayers.

And last But Not Least, I am grateful for the means to take care of my family.

I am grateful to have food on our table, clothes on our back, great health insurance, and a beautiful house and safe neighborhood for my son to grow up in.

What are you grateful for this year?

Decision Decisions, we've decided

Snowflake Reflections Cocoa Christmas Card

Make a statement with custom Christmas cards at Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

We decided to go with option number 2. If you've moved and need to update your address so we can send you a card, please FB message me!

Turkey, Cider, Hot Cocoa, and our Fabulous Mugs!

Its that time of year again! Thats right, its holiday picture time! I'm so excited to be a mom this year, because I get to send out one of those cute picture cards from Shutterfly that everyone send out around the holidays! I love getting all the pictures of the kids and babies and seeing how much they've grown from the previous year!

About a week ago we did Asher's six month photoshoot and family holiday portrait. We got so many pictures so now I'm torn between getting a simple photocard to show off the fabulous family picture that Phill took...like this one from Shutterfly...The Peace Love Ribbon Card Or Maybe a card like this one to show off all the fabulous pictures that we took of Asher and the family. What do you think? Either way I know we'll be going with Shutterfly since the prices are good and they did such an awesome job on Asher's birth announcements!

I'm excited to see all of your holiday pictures! So you better get on over to Shutterfly and order them in time for the holidays! I have a whole wall just waiting for them to be hung on!

Been there, done that, now what?

Its a tough week in the Cole household. After almost a year of testing we've finally made some headway as far as Phill's mysterious illness is concerned. Months of testing and many specialists later we have a preliminary diagnosis. Acute Multiple Protein Allergy. Say what? Thats right, we've heard this before! I feel like I'm at Tufts all over again leaning over Asher's clean room crib, hearing this diagnosis and feeling absolutely confused, devastated, and totally helpless. A year! It took a year.... this information could have helped us take care of our son, help with my prenatal care, prepare us for the caos that ensued right after Asher's birth. Why? Because this type of allergy is actually a genetic problem with the immune system that is almost always passed along if both parents have food allergies and one of those parents has an Acute Multiple Protein Allergy. And of course, it figures.....I have a couple food allergies. And the icing on the cake....its rare, but we're almost garranteed to pass it along to another child. So now for more testing, gene mapping and food trials for Phill and Asher, and for me so we can have all the information we need to make sure that Asher's quality of life isn't affected.

Its funny that Phill has been able to live his whole life with this illness and never have the symptoms that Asher had. I mean he had symptoms. His poor mother listened to him screaming as a baby 23 hours out of the day. Of course the Dr's told it was colic....don't worry about it! Poor Dianne, I really can't imagine not having answers and feeling that kind of helpless. And then of course, there were the awful rashes....dermatologist told them it was exzema....so they tried all sorts of creams and alternatives to soap...that made no difference. And the icicing....the behavior problems....which is what happens when children are always in pain, but are so used to that pain, they don't actually recognize it as pain anymore.

I guess they should consider themselves lucky that he didn't stop breathing. But I really don't think its lucky to suffer a whole childhood thinking...."what the hell is wrong with my kid!?!" and of course "Am I a bad boy?" I'm just grateful I wasn't a mom in 1981 and that my child was born when Doctors didn't brush aside these things and specialists know more about rare and complicated diseases.

A Tale of Five Sisters

Five Sisters, Two Families....30 Something Years Later

Growing up I always knew that my birth father had other children. They grew up in a different state and were a generation older than us. So they were adults when we were children...having children of their own, who are now close to our age. So we didn't get to know them and never got an oppertunity to meet them....until now.

How strange that at almost 30 years old I am getting the oppertunity to meet "new" siblings! About a month ago, Michelle and I took a trip a couple states over to visit with our oldest sister Carol. We were a little nervous, but she was so nice and warm....I really couldn't believe after all these years how easy this visit was. She told us all about our other sisters and their families and the few things she had known about us as children.

Shortly after visiting with Carol, we were contacted by our sister Kelly, who was so excited to get to know us and wanted to meet us too. So yesterday Michelle, Kylee, Asher, and I got into the car and headed out for dinner with Two sisters and a neice (who is just a couple years younger than I am)

What strikes me the most, is how much you can like people that you just met! Kelly and Elaine are both really warm and bubbly people, it would be hard to not feel fondness for them. The other most striking thought was how crazy it feels to sit around a table with girls you just met and realise how much you all look alike! Specifically Elaine and Myself.

Elaine's daughter brought pictures of them all throughout the years and if you took a picture of me as a teenager and one of Elaine....you might not be able to tell us apart....its like twin sisters separated by a generation : )

We shared a meal and chatted for going on three hours about our lives, in fact we didn't even touch on the one thing we've always shared until right before it was time to go....our father. Going into it I was worried that it would be the only thing we would be able to talk about....but it turns out we have a lot more in common than I thought we would.

Its so great after all these years to meet the other "moffett girls" I lowercased the name because I don't think any of us truly own being a moffett anymore. I used to hate the name, but now I don't...because its the thing that links me to these other women : )

Oh Happy Day!

Asher Benjamin turned six months old yesterday! Seems a little crazy that hes been here for half a year already! Its also a little sad to think of how quickly it passed by and how fast the next six months will fly...soon we'll have a one year old!

Asher is now crawling everywhere! We have been baby gate shopping so we can block off the second living room and make it a snack free zone. It has been a little stressful following Kylee around to make sure shes not dropping animal crackers everywhere!

Asher LOVES Kylee. He wants to do everything with her and everything like her! So now he has a sippy cup, so they can watch Elmo together and have a juice cup together! He loves it. Of course Asher's cup has pedialyte in it....but he thinks they are enjoying the same thing!

Sometimes during dinner, we put them in their high chairs next to each other....and they laugh the whole dinner....its like they are little best friends! She can make him laugh when hes crying. Its so awesome to see : ) Part of me doesn't feel old, but then sometimes I look at them and think "Thats my sister's baby and the other one is my baby" and I know that we're getting up there!

One last thing about Asher, we are truly excited about this one! Neocate (the makers of his formula) has put their medical food paste back on the market! When I got this update from Neocate, I literally had myself a good cry.

I didn't post at the time, because it was so depressing, but Asher failed both of his food trials.....and he is always hungry now! Its draining feeding him every two hours and waking up every two hours at night! I'm hoping that we can get a prescription for the food paste and try it out next week. We are hoping it will keep him filled up longer and maybe we'll all be a little happier and more rested! Heres to hoping!

On other fronts. It was brought to my attention recently, that I never followed up on my liver issues. I can't believe I didn't do that, especially since I got very good news. My tumors are harmless tumors that are called FNH....they don't turn into cancer and very rarely do they get biggger. I will have an MRI in six months just to make sure....but many people live with these tumors to a very old age! It was such a relief to get that kind of news. As far as stress goes, Asher's medical problems are enough for me!

Anyway, Yesterday I got together with a bunch of other moms that I have been talking to since I got pregnant! It was very cool to meet these girls and attach faces to the women who have given me so much support and great advice throughout pregnancy and my troubles after Asher came! We plan on doing another get together in the warm weather when all the kids are mobile!

The basement project is still in full swing. We have an electrican coming and the contractor next weekend to finish up the big work downstairs....and then we just have tp pick out paint and set up shop downstairs. Its going to be great to have more space! I'll post pictures once the project is done : )

Vote for Asher Benjamin!

So even though we said we never would, we entered our little guy in the Gerber Baby photo contest. I figure, the baby that wins will probably have a massive family of internet addicts who will all find away to vote multiple times a day...but why not give it a shot? Its a $25,000 scholarship afterall......

Help us out by voting for Asher everyday until the end of the month! Paste the link to your favorites folder and vote every morning when you check your email. So far Asher has 22 votes....and some of the other babies have 100! Help us catch up!

Cuteness Abiding Baby

So first off, I woke up this morning to the Seahorse playing music....which was weird because my husband was not in the room. I leaned over and Asher was sleeping with his forhead resting on the seahorse's head and his hands holding its belly. I rolled over and decided to read.....five minutes later the music stops and I hear a faint giggle and the music started again. I rolled over Asher is still asleep with a cute little smile on his face and the seahrose in a bear hug! Five mins later the music stops and restarts....hes still sleeping. So cute.

Then and I don't know why I think this is cute, I had Asher on the floor and he was trying with all his might to get on his knees and crawl....he can army scootch forward, but he watched my neice crawl around the other day and he wants part of the crawling crowd. After about ten mins he gave up, rolled onto his face and let one long accusitory screeth out at me and gave me the side eye....then rolled back onto his stomach and tried again! Like its my fault! Haha

And finally we had put the play mat away a few weeks ago...he never had much interest in it, but today I decided to take it out to see if he has grown some interest....and in those few weeks he has learned to turn from back to front, front to back, and over and over....so now he doesn't know what to do with himself! He rolls to one toys, chews on it, three seconds later...he rolls to the next...chews on it while spying another one! Poor kid....can't decide what he wants!

My Review of Carter's Classic Comfort Reclining Wood High Chair - Safari Friends

Originally submitted at Toys R Us

The Carter's Wood High Chair features a classic hard wood design that compliments any home decor. The High Chair offers all the traditional features that parents have come to expect including recline, storage, adjustable tray with removable dishwasher safe insert tray, and an easy to clean viny...

Carter's Classic Comfort Reclining Wood High Chair - Safari Friends

Beautiful chair, but just not safe!

By Asher's Mom from Boston, Ma on 8/30/2010

 

1out of 5

Pros: Decorative Design

Cons: Unsafe, Poor quality

Describe Yourself: Midrange Shopper

Primary use: Personal

I bought this highchair because it looked like furniture and seemed sturdy, like something that would stand up against more than one child. However, we used it only a handful of times and the last time we used it, it fell apart with my baby in it! The back support and side bars became detatched from the base when we tried to recline it. Thank goodness our baby wasn't hurt. When we brought it back to the store we asked if we had properly put it together and we were told that we had. So instead of exchanging it, I bought a different highchair, its just not worth finding out if we got the lemon of the bunch!

(legalese)

The Good, The Bad, and the Sorta Ugly!

I took Asher to see his GI specialist today and the nutritionist that specializes in rare allergies. I didn't even need to make my case for food because Asher is now in the 100% for height, but still in the 35% for weight. 27" and 14.5 LBS.
So the good news is that Asher is able to eat vegitables that make up less than 7 Ammino Acid strands. I guess the reason he had a reaction to Alimentum is that Alimentum is broken down into 40 complex Ammino Strands and Asher is reacting to Amminos grouped larger than 7. We have a whole immunology report explaining this stuff that I completely do not understand...I have some research to do.

The bad news is that they believe Asher's Allergies are due largely to a Immuno Disorder, so we've been refered to an immunologist who will work in conjunction with the allergist, nutritionists, and GI specialist to help us feed our kid. Sigh.
The inbetween news is that we've got a list of def proteins that he is allergic to. They are Milk Protein, Soy, Lactic, Wheat, Whey, Eggs, Tree Nuts, Peanut.
We've been cleared to eat the following first foods after a skin scratch test done in the office today followed up by some blood tests: Organic...Carrots, Sweet Potatos, Apple, Pear, Sweet Pea and Beech Nut Rice Cereal because its the only rice cereal that does not contain Milk or Whey.

We were told to introduce Carrots first because very very few people are allergic to carrots and carrots make up only one Ammino Strand. So the first set of trials will be at home. 1 Food for three days, in the morning and in the evening. If theres no reaction we can try the next food.

We did Carrots tonight. This picture makes my heart very happy

Christopher's Corner

When I was pregnant with Asher I posted on a message board for pregnant women. When I was about halfway through my pregnancy, I woman who was maybe a few weeks less pregnant than I was, lost her first child Christopher to an unknown virus. This tragedy has stuck with me since it happened. I am heartbroken for Christopher's family. This week Christopher's family would have been celebrating his second birthday.

Christopher's family are honoring Christopher's memory by creating a special corner in his local library filled with books for young children. This week Asher and I will be sending a couple books to Christopher's Corner in memory of precious Christopher. If you have the means to do so, please consider sending a book!


http://www.causes.com/causes/493305?m=9e4cc0c7&recruiter_id=48450197

A Swift Kick in the Butt and a Giant Smack in the Face!

I've already posted this on my Facebook, but in case you missed it its worth mentioning here as well. A couple days ago Asher was bouncing around and kicking his legs like a madman in his bouncer. Kylee walked by and got kicked in the butt...totally an accident, but you can't get a 19 month old to understand that. She got all huffy and grabbed Asher's foot, riped off his shoe. Then she turned her body and stuck her butt in his face, looked over her back so she could see Asher, took her free hand and pointed to her butt while shaking Asher's shoe at him. She said "This my butt! My butt!" Poor Asher just stopped kicking and looked at her like "Okay sheesh, yes thats you're butt" Haha these kids crack me up! Heres a picture minutes before this event happened!

In other areas...my poor child is always starving! Neocate is so thin that sometimes he wants to eat every hour and its just not possible. I feel bad for him, his stomach makes noises and he whines....and then if I'm not quick enough he screams for food. I feel like I'm always washing bottles and I live in fear that we'll run out of Neocate before the end of the month. Neocate is $85 a can and you can only get it at a pharmacy.....and not all them carry it. At our pharmacy they have to special order it and since it has a shelf life they only order enough to cover your prescription, so if you go through more of it than the script calls for you're pretty screwed. I brought this up to Asher's pedi and asked if she could write the script for a few extra cans a monthy so that we're never without food, but she said that she wrote it for the max ammount that my insurance will cover....so if we run out of Neocate we have to give him pedialyte until the new month begins. Pedialyte is not a substitute for food!

I get very jealous when I read about other babies getting rice cereal and other first foods. It totally sucks that even on regular formula or breast milk we would have been thinking about these things anyway. But now when hes starving all the time, I can't help but feel saddness and frustration over the whole allergy issue.

The allergy issue has sparked debate amongst the forum that I post on reguarly. Should other parents be expected to not send their kids to school with products containing peanuts in order to safe guard against a serious allergy in other children. Some mom's say "No" and that its selfish on my part to ask them to do that just cause my kid has serious allergies. I can't help but feeling more than a little hate towards them. Its not the big a sacrifice and it could save my child's life. But Whatever.

I'm hoping for a food trial soon. I believe the first food trial will be carrots and sweet potatos because those are the two foods he is least likely to have a reaction to. I'm not looking forward to going back to Tufts for that, especially if we end up having to spend the night. But I would very much like to be able to feed Asher's something that will make his belly feel satisified!

A Sad Realization...

Today someone posted a picture of Phill, Asher, and I on my Facebook page. And it made me sad because I realized that it very well could be the only picture of the three of us together. Whats sadder about it, is that I know its totally because Phill and I are feeling fat and don't want to be in pictures! Poor Asher is going to look back on his baby pictures and wonder where the hell we were! Sigh. So for fun, here is the Family Cole Slaw.

Things people don't believe until they see it with their own eyes!

I get the side eye very often when I tell people that Asher is already standing up very well holding onto our hands. No one believes us, they also don't believe us when we tell them that if hes really stable we can let go for several seconds and he can stand there by himself, support himself holding onto furniture, and walk across the room holding onto our hands. That is until they see him do it! I'm not bragging on my child for no reason. He'll probably be an early walker. Hes been doing this stuff for well over a month.

The truth is, every baby has strengths and weaknesses. I don't know why people like to generalize infant development and say "No way, its not possible!" Get over it. Asher has amazing standing skills, but still can't roll over consistently and sucks at tummy time. He doesn't even try to sit...so I may end up with a 7 month walker, who can't sit on his own and refuses to play on the floor. Who knows...but seriously when I tell you something, don't accuse me of making it up.

Oh and on a side note...I did promise pics of Asher all dressed up.....

Fish, Trains, and other somewhat related topics.

On Monday Ali and I took the boys into Boston to meet up with a friend that we made online. This trip was a special trip, because its the first time that we met Melissa and the first time that Aiden got to hang with his "baby soul mate" Miss Riley. Ali and I decided to take the train into Boston thinking it would be easier than trying to navigate in the city and easier than worrying about parking.....I'll come back to this sentiment in a couple paragraphs.

Anyway we all decided that it would be fun to go to the Aquarium since the babies are at the point in development that they like bright lights and colorful things. The Aquarium sounds like something that would be fun and peaceful.....but really...its not. First off, there were like a million people milling about...not really watching where they were going and not really caring if you have a baby with you. Gone are the days of people holding the doors for a woman with a carriage.

When we first got there, the three of us and the babies posed for a picture. We tried getting our own just in case it didn't come out well, but it was almost impossible to get all three babies to be awake at the same time, happy at the same time, and all looking at the camera. I really feel for mothers of triplets! We walked around for five minutes before stopping in front of the large tank. Aiden was a sleep, Riley was hungry and not having any of it, and Asher was being his normal freakishly happy self and totally standing right up against the glass waiting for great things to happen. And he loved it....at first. The fish, they were great, the Shark...meh that will probably give him a nightmare of two...but the Sting Ray, I think he might traumatized by it. I had him standing up holding onto my hands and as the Sting Ray got closer and closer, Asher leaned further and further away from the glass and into my chest.

We moved on after the Sting Ray and decided to get some lunch. It took us some time to get to the cafe, because people at the Aquarium don't believe in sharing elevators and think its okay to press the close button on the elevator as women with carriages are trying to get on. When we finally got up there and got our food, we decided that it was so nice to sit down and not be trampled and be able to hear each other, that we stayed there for the remainder of our visit!

Anyway, when lunch was over and it was time for Melissa and Miss Riley to hit the road, Ali got a call from her husband requesting a visit at work.....he wanted to show his boy off. This seemed like no big deal so we said "Sure why not?" and headed on our way. So first things first....I was surprised how many people didn't care that we were struggling to get in the doors of the train and find a seat....they didn't care at all. See, I'm the type of person who would offer up my seat to someone else who needed it more than I. I was especially disappointed when a pregnant lady had to wait two stops for someone to get off before finding a seat for herself.....there were many young college aged kids who were more than capable of standing so she could sit down...but that's just me.

I had the distinct pleasure of sitting next to a person who thought it was socially acceptable to rest her feet up on the lower bar of my stroller so that when they train lurched, the weight of her legs pushed my stroller away from me. She was "Awesome" and everything I wish I could be....note the sarcasm.

My other issue with the trains....a lack of elevators...at first we were thinking no biggie....we can make our way up some stairs.....or maybe not. There were like four different sets of stairs at one stations...I don't even know what we would have done had two nice men come along to help us. We were exhausted by the time we made our way to see Aiden's daddy at his office!

But the saddest part of the trip...and I saved this for last because it causes me great shame..... That lovely picture we took at the beginning of our trip? It was entrusted to me. When we parted ways, I promised the first thing I would do when I got home would be to scan it in and upload to Facebook. Well we should have known better than to entrust something like that to me, after all, I am me and everyone who knows me knows that things just "Happen" to me sometimes. But I'm wandering away from my story here, oh yes....the picture..... When I was struggling to get onto the train, I tilted my carriage and the picture slipped out at just the right angle to fall down the skinny little crack between the train and the platform....gone forever. When Ali told her husband what happened, he said "Sounds about right to me" So...stuff like this is pretty much just expected of me.

**Coming soon to Allthingscoleslaw.....Asher dressed up in a suit...you do not want to miss that one!

One year ago today!

One year ago today I found out that I was pregnant. It was a strange day. I was working at Phill's shop and on my feet all day. I didn't feel sick, but I didn't feel "right" either. I remember calling him and telling him "I feel weird" He said "go home and lay down if you're sick" and I responded "I'm not really sick...I just feel strange"

Anyway, after he came back to the shop I decided to go to the dollar store and buy a bunch of $1 pregnancy tests...just because thats what crazy infertile women do whenever they feel off or feel a twinge.... Anyway, I remember staring down at the test and thinking that I might see two lines...but I wasn't sure. If you've ever really wanted to be pregnant you'll understand what I mean about "ghost lines" sometimes it looks like there is a line there when there isn't. There had been times when I would hold a test up to the light to see it better and other times when I would take the test apart to look at the strip without the plastic covering.

So I thought that this was another case of the ghost line. Just to be sure I took another test. This one slightly darker than the first, but still questionable. So I took a third, and my heart stopped and then started beating really fast. I remember my leg started to shake and my hands were shaking so bad, I dropped the test and had a hard time opening up the fourth test. The fourth test had the darkest line. I burst into tears and sat there for 1o mins just saying "I can't believe it" over and over again. If anyone had walked in on me that day they would have thought I was nuts!

But those were dollar store tests and I was worried that they were faulty, even though I know tha a line is a line....so I ran out to CVS and purchased 3 more tests! I was almost afraid to buy the digital test because it felt like seeing "negative" would be worse than seeing a test without a line.

I rushed home to take those tests too...but had to wait because I didn't have to pee. About an hour later I rushed over to Phill's shop and busted through the door. I must have looked a mess because he stood up and said "What happened? Is everyone okay?" When I said "I'm pregnant!" He just looked at my dumbfounded for like three seconds and then threw his hands up in the air victory style!

I called my sister right after that and then I called Ali...both of them were like "wait what?" Now 1 year later I have the most gorgeous little boy on the face of the Earth! So much changes in a year!

First Wedding Anniversary

This weekend Phill and I packed Asher up and headed for Vermont to celebrate the craziest year either one of us has ever lived! Yes we are talking about the 12 months that followed our wedding! So many things have changed in the year we have been an official family, I don't even know where to start. But of course the biggest change for us has been the birth of Asher exactly 9 months after our wedding : )

Phill and I are used to heading for the mountains unplanned. Just throwing some clothes into a bag and packing up the toothbrushes and heading on our way. Very different story when you have a 3 month old in tow! It took me the entire morning we left to get everything together that we would need and a good solid hour to get everything to fit in the car.

But, we did get everything to fit and took off on schedule! While we were in Vermont we visited the American Precision Museum....which was very cool and was for obvious reasons Phill's favorite part of the trip! We also went to the Vermont Teddy Bear Company and took the tour...which was very cool....Asher LOVED it! I'd say he loved it more than the older children. After the tour we purchased Asher a Bear Cub to commemorate his first trip to Vermont. The Ben and Jerry's tour was a little more than dissapointing. The tour itself wasn't interesting, it was difficult to navigate with the carriage, and the sample was NOT worth the wait. Although I will say, there were amazing smells coming from the on sight ice cream stand. Yummmm.

Phill and I then headed to New Hampshire and stayed in the hotel that we stayed in the first night of our honey moon and went out to eat at the same restraunt....which was just as amazing one year later! After that we headed south and stayed for two days at the Indian Head Resort....which was a really great find. We are definately going to go back for a longer stay when Asher is a little older and can enjoy the activities.

And now we're home....our 3 month old has decided that 5 days away has killed his routine and schedule....so I'm off to deal with my screaming baby!

Whats the big deal?

I post on a message board for new moms and lately I've been seeing tons of posts about Breast Feeding and Breast Feeding in public. It seems to me that there are two sides to this hot debate and I can't figure out what the big deal is either way.

I started out nursing Asher and it was apparent from day one that nursing....is DIFFICULT! It is not the easy process that a lot of people think it is. In the hospital I almost had a nervous breakdown because he couldn't latch right and then he couldn't suck and swallow and he would scream! The nursing consultant even told us, "He may never be able to nurse, I'd buy some formula" And Immediately I felt like the worst mother on the face of the Earth! Why? Because so many people had said to me throughout my entire pregnancy "I hope you plan on nursing!"

Heres what I find strange about it. So many people were quick to tell me that nursing in the best thing for my baby, but those same people got embarrassed at my shower when my sister gave me a breast pump, and I guarrantee those same people would have something to say if I nursed Asher off to the side at a function or something. But heres what I have to say.....Nursing a baby in a public bathroom is disgusting and you have to leave the house at some point. I just find it interesting that those same people who talked my ear off about the benefits to nursing are the same ones who think the act itself is something disgusting and should be hidden. So you want me to nurse, but you want it to be really difficult. Nice logic.

On the other side of the debate is the formula feeding stance. I have to admit, a small part of me was relieved when I was told that I could no longer nurse Asher. I felt sad that I couldn't and sad that he had a medical condition that made it so, but relieved that I would no longer have to struggle with something that frustrated both Asher and I and was super painful to boot. But I have to say that even though I have no choice but to formula feed, I still get defensive when people look down on me for doing it. I can't tell you how many people have remarked "Oh, you're feeding him formula? Well breast feeding is best" Thanks a lot...... I've even been accused of being too lazy to breast feed. And I absoultely hate that I always feel the need to defend myself and explain! I hate that I feel ashamed about it. Because the truth of the matter is, it shouldn't matter to other people how you feed your baby, it should matter that you do feed your baby, and that your baby is thriving and happy.

The Ellusive Tumor

Of course only so ellusive as you can see it on both CT scans and on MRI. But I say its ellusive because mentally its ellusive to me. I haven't talked about it a whole lot, its almost like it doesn't exist...until I get to thinking about it.

I have a repeat MRI in a couple weeks. Its been torture waiting and waiting for the appt. I'd just like some answers already...... That MRI should tell us what type of tumor it is. I already know its not cancerous, but now I need to know if its harmless. There are two types of tumors it could be, the first is harmless and something like 7% of the population has it and doesn't even know it. They live out long healthy lives without ever having an issue with it. The second is called a Hepatic Adenoma, which although not cancerous can cause many many health problems and would need to be removed.

Liver surgery I'm told is not like getting your gall bladder removed, its very serious surgery which has a very lengthy recover period and requires a few days in the ICU. This stresses me out. This type of tumor grows...especially when exposed to estrogen....like I don't know...PREGNANCY! Wonderful. It can potentially rupture or you can hemorage if it gets too big.

I made the mistake of looking at statistics tonight....I don't know why I did that, I just freaked myself out. Mostly I think I did it because I've been worrying, the pain on my upper left abdomen has been coming and going, nothing like when I was in the hospital and my liver function was all over the place, but still its there and it worries me. 7% of the population would notice if they felt this way, so I have to wonder if its type 2 and if it is, why does that mean for me?

Medical crisis after medical crisis....all I want to do is enjoy my baby. If it hasn't been him its been me. And how would that work anyway? Being in the hospital without him for a week was hard enough. The recovery from the surgery and illness sucked and I had to hire a nanny just to pick him up and feed him. How would I do a lengthier recovery from a more serious surgery?

I also made the mistake tonight of looking at the rates of mortality from complications and surgery...... For someone who wants sleep so badly, I sure know how to make sure I can't sleep at all! So thats what I'm doing right now, worrying about something I have no control over and watching my baby sleep, it makes me feel better when I get to feeling this way!

Tummy Time and Other Much Hated Things

Asher loaths tummy time! He has a really nice tummy time mat and a really patient big cousin who will get down on the floor with him, but still....he won't have any of it! The Pedi said we should aim for 2-3 15 min sessions a day......right. Hes down there for 5 minutes and his is DONE! Still being the mean Mommy that I am, I make him do it!

So no everyone can stop asking now..... Asher is not even close to rolling over, not front to back, not back to front, not continous....nothing at all. I figure its a matter of motivation...he just doesn't care to do it and when he does...then he just will.

Dianne told me a story about Phill once. They were at a family gathering when he was about 14months old and everyone was asking if Phill was walking yet. As Dianne was telling them that no, he wasn't even close to walking, and wasn't even trying, Phill got up and walked straight across the room. Not one of two steps, across the room. Maybe Asher will be like that. He'll do things when it suits him and not because some developmental book says he should or not because I want him to!

Asher is pretty strong however, so I'm not too worried about it. If you hold his hands and try to get him to pull himself up into a seated postion, he will bypass it and pull himself so that he is standing up. Once hes steady, you can let go of one hand and he'll stand holding onto one hand. So like I said, its just a lack of motivation.

Another thing he absolutely hates right now is being burped. I can't figure out why since it ultimately leads to feeling better and not throwing up. But the actually process is always met with such a fuss you would think that we hadn't just fed him or something. Little punk!

He does have some loves too. We may be in trouble, because Mister Man loves to watch TV. If we face him away from the TV he will turn his body in his swing, jumper, RNP...what have you to see the TV. We laugh, but its really not funny...its like hes turning into Mike TV...... Not good. Phill and I used to watch TV while we were falling asleep....until Asher is out of our room we can't do that anymore...lest he get dependant on watching TV to fall asleep as well. So for now we are trying our best to not form bad, hard to break habits......Mister Mister may have other ideas.

2 Month Professional Pictures

A couple weeks ago Asher and I met up with Ali and Aiden to take the boy's first set of non hospital professional photos. We went to Sears because it was the easiest option. At some point We are going to take both Boys, Kylee, and Ethan when he gets here to a studio that belongs to one of Phill's friends and have a whole slew of pictures taken. Anyway, I plan to get Asher's picture taken every month. While we were there, we both signed up for a super saver card that allows you to bring your baby in anytime you want with no session fee and a free 8 x 10. I figure I can get it taken each month and then just get the free 8 x 10 and scan the picture in, but buy bigger packages at 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, and 1 year.

I was pretty worried about the timing of the whole thing. Asher had to be awake and alert, fed, and have a clean butt in order for this whole thing to go down well. And I made it work for the most part, that is until a really rude woman showed up at the studio! Asher was in an awesome mood and Aiden decided he needed to eat RIGHT AWAY, so we decided that Asher would go first. He was in a great mood, smiling and cooing. About five minutes in, a woman showed up demanding to be waited on immediately (Very loudly) and then was upset because her pictures weren't ready yet, even though she showed up early to get them! Anyway, by the time the photographer was done dealing with her, Asher had lost his great mood and started to cry, so I only got a couple good shots! I'm adding that lady to my "list".

Aiden went next and his pictures came out so awesome. But by the time they were done and it was time for the boys to get their picture taken together, they were both DONE! So Ali and I are taking them back tomorrow for a re shoot....hopefully those come out great. It would be so awesome if we could document the friendship back to infancy for them.

Next week Chelle and I plan to take advantage of my super saver card and take Kylee to get her picture taken and maybe then we will get Asher and Kylee together : ) Call me picture crazy...I've been this way my whole life. I think it stems down to the fact that there are very few pictures of me as a little girl.

When I first starting dating Phill, his mother brought up 18 photo albums (1 for each year)! That's how many pictures Phill has of his childhood. And they are all great pictures too. I want Asher to have something like that going on.

P.S Family Members: If you have pictures of me as a child, I would love a copy : )

Acute Multiple Protein Allergy

I figure that if I see it enough times in writing, I'll come to terms with it. What does it mean? In short there is almost nothing that I can feed my kid. I don't want Asher to grow up being the kid in the bubble, but how will I be able to experiment with foods as he grows up if I'm risking another severe allergic episode.

Chelle and I have talked a lot about learning how to make our own baby food....I'm thinking this is really the only way to go with Asher. If you look at nutrition labels, almost everything is fortified with protein, even vegetables. The only way I can really bypass this is to buy fresh fruits and veggies and make my own foods for him. Neocate (The formula that hes on) is a straight Amino Acids formula, so even fresh fruits and veggies could be hard for him to digest. There is an amino acid food base paste that I can add veggie to, but I really hate to think of him eating like that until hes 5 or 6 which is when most children start to outgrow this type of allergy.

I've been reassured that most children do eventually outgrow it, but there is a small population that has to eat this medical food crap for the rest of their lives. I don't know, I like to eat more than most I guess. I like the way food tastes and I like to try different things. Its one of the awesome parts of life. Its sad to think that there are people that don't get those experiences and even sadder to me that my child may be one of them.

To make up for the inequity, they make flavor packets for the formula and food paste....but in my view its still a raw deal. Case in point, Asher's first birthday. Almost all parents stand poised with a camera over that first taste of cake, which inevitably ends up all over the baby's face, in the hair....everywhere. I'd like one of those pictures....I'd like one very much. But how will I make a cake for him. Weight Watchers has a nice cake recipe, but it requires the use of boxed cake mix....which has been fortified with protein. Even gluten free cakes have protein in them. If I try to make my own cake and exchange milk and eggs with Neocate...there is a huge possibility that the cake won't rise. And then what the hell would I do for frosting?

You see the problem? Its very frustrating. I'm taking him to see his GI specialist at the end of the month and I imagine this will be a top contender on the list of things to talk about. After all, Asher will be three months old in a few days. I only have a couple months before food would be introduced, I really need to learn how to make it now.

I tried joining a couple web based support sites for other mom's in this situation, but almost all of them have children with Nut, Soy, or Milk Protein Allergies. I haven't yet met another mom with a baby who has been diagnosed Acute Multiple Protein Allergy. So I haven't even been able to web surf for answers. I guess I would feel slightly better if his condition wasn't so rare. I mean the pharmacy doesn't even stock his formula. When I called they told me there isn't anyone else who has a prescription for it in town, so it would take them several days to a week to get their hands on it for us. Awesome. So in the meantime if you run out of food what do you do? The answer? Pedialyte. As much as Asher loves the taste....its just not a replacement for food. He needs something like three times as much Pedilyte as formula anyway, so feeding him is exhausting, which is why you see the pictures of him feeding himself. Those are Pedialyte bottles.

There is the hope that lingers though. Some kids do outgrow this by 1 or 2 years of age. I think about that when we're having a rough feeding day.

Why start a blog now?

I read other people's blogs all the time. I've never really desired a blog of my own. Afterall, I totally stink at keeping up with journal writing...how much better can I possibly be at this? But with family and friends spread all over the country it only makes sense to have some way other than Facebook to keep people up to date with our on goings.

Asher is almost three months old! This is a concept that I find completely crazy! It went by so quickly even though it was filled with crises after crises. But I'm happy to say that no one is in the hospital right now and that we are happily adjusting to having everyone at home, healthy, and whole.

Recently we've had a couple nice surpises. First off Michelle is having a little boy! Ethan James Jones will only be 6.5 months younger than Asher.....pretty awesome for them don't you think? Now we have to think about planning Chelle's sprinkle and things like rearranging the nursery.

The basement project is underway starting today! What will we do with all that space? As lovely as our room is, its too small for all our stuff and keeping it clean is tough....we all know how clean I am........right. Today Phill and Kris are pressure washing the basement floor and Chelle and I will be going through stuff thats been stored down there and deciding what will make it to the yard sale pile, what will get thrown away, and what will be stored somewhere else.

In a few weeks Kris' contractor friend is coming out and the boys will be doing all the eletrical, flooring and wall work. This means that sometime in August Phill and I will have a sizable room and living space and Asher will have his own nursery. The path to saving for an awesome house has been laid. Now we just need to learn how to save!