The Ellusive Tumor

Of course only so ellusive as you can see it on both CT scans and on MRI. But I say its ellusive because mentally its ellusive to me. I haven't talked about it a whole lot, its almost like it doesn't exist...until I get to thinking about it.

I have a repeat MRI in a couple weeks. Its been torture waiting and waiting for the appt. I'd just like some answers already...... That MRI should tell us what type of tumor it is. I already know its not cancerous, but now I need to know if its harmless. There are two types of tumors it could be, the first is harmless and something like 7% of the population has it and doesn't even know it. They live out long healthy lives without ever having an issue with it. The second is called a Hepatic Adenoma, which although not cancerous can cause many many health problems and would need to be removed.

Liver surgery I'm told is not like getting your gall bladder removed, its very serious surgery which has a very lengthy recover period and requires a few days in the ICU. This stresses me out. This type of tumor grows...especially when exposed to estrogen....like I don't know...PREGNANCY! Wonderful. It can potentially rupture or you can hemorage if it gets too big.

I made the mistake of looking at statistics tonight....I don't know why I did that, I just freaked myself out. Mostly I think I did it because I've been worrying, the pain on my upper left abdomen has been coming and going, nothing like when I was in the hospital and my liver function was all over the place, but still its there and it worries me. 7% of the population would notice if they felt this way, so I have to wonder if its type 2 and if it is, why does that mean for me?

Medical crisis after medical crisis....all I want to do is enjoy my baby. If it hasn't been him its been me. And how would that work anyway? Being in the hospital without him for a week was hard enough. The recovery from the surgery and illness sucked and I had to hire a nanny just to pick him up and feed him. How would I do a lengthier recovery from a more serious surgery?

I also made the mistake tonight of looking at the rates of mortality from complications and surgery...... For someone who wants sleep so badly, I sure know how to make sure I can't sleep at all! So thats what I'm doing right now, worrying about something I have no control over and watching my baby sleep, it makes me feel better when I get to feeling this way!