The student becomes the teacher...

I once read a quote that made me giggle for days. "It is called the terrible twos, because "fucking awful" doesn't start with a T" Even typing it, I giggle. There are many thing I enjoy about Asher being bigger, I like that he chats more, he wants to tell us stories, that he is more independent in some ways and needs us more in other ways. If I could count the amount of times in a day that he needs boo boos kissed, hugs, or snuggles....well I'd be rich if society really placed value on those things. As it stands, I put a lot of value on them. Which is why I love this age. HOWEVER, it comes with challenges.

There is the sharing challenge. The biting challenge. The tantrum when something doesn't play out exactly the way I want it to challenge. The picky eater challenge. The nose picking challenge. The I don't want to wear shoes challenge. The I want to wear shoes and I'm not taking them off so deal with mud and snow on the floor challenge. The I don't want to use the potty challenge. The I want to wear underwear, but not use the potty challenge. The I really want to use the potty but didn't make it so now I'm going to cry for hours challenge. The don't you dare brush my hair or my teeth challenge. The I don't want to take a bath challenge. The I want a bath so bad that I don't care what else we are doing, you will stop and give me one right this instant challenge. The I want to dump out all the drawers, cabinets, and empty all bookshelves of books challenge. The I wonder what this taste like challenge...which may include things like bars of soap, shoes, cat litter, or the toilet bowl brush. The I will not sleep when you want me to challenge. The I will sleep smack dab when you don't want me to challenge. The Auntie's playroom is better than mine so I just won't go into it sit outside and cry for my toy's challenge. The hitting when frustrated challenge. The I want to be naked and I don't care who is over challenge. The pulling the cat's tail challenge. The I wonder what my poop will look like on the wall, in my hair, in the carpet...anywhere really...that challenge.... The list goes on and on. If you have children, I'm sure some of those brought a giggle. If your children are older, you read them and thought "I'm glad we're out of that phase" or you thought "She left out these 500 challenges" Trust me, it is not because we don't have them, it is because my wrists will ache if I list all of them.

So instead I need to talk about the challenges that are unique to Asher and kids like Asher. If being two wasn't difficult enough, being two and Autistic or with Autistic tendencies...well that takes the cake!

While Asher has made tons of progress with language, he still struggles to communicate when he is frustrated. And people will say "all children have tantrums" Thank you, I understand that. I was a nanny, a big sister, I am an aunt, my friends have children, I've worked at a daycare, I've gone to the mall, toy stores, Target....for some reason there are lots of tantrums in target, I am a teacher. I am surrounded by children, I've seen normal tantrums. So feel confident that when I say Asher's tantrums are sometimes very different, that I have considered what a normal tantrum looks like. And these tantrums are epic, not because they are louder...sometimes they are, but often times not. Not because they are violent, because they aren't, not because he is more angry. No, it is because he is sad. Mournful and dissapointed, and almost defeated. He struggles with the concept that mistakes happen even when you try hard, even when you want it more than anything else.

Asher takes his failures like they are marks against him and he will apologize to us for hours. Sometimes I fall asleep at night and hear the echo of "Sorry Mama!" in my head, due mostly to the fact that I had heard it so many times that day, but more importantly, that he was so deeply sad when he said it. And he still doesn't understand that he doesn't have to be sorry that he didn't make it to the potty, or that he slipped on the ice, or that the cat scratched him, he spilled a little water, or that he couldn't think of a word.

He is sensitive to the word "sorry" so trying to teach him when to say sorry has been a "special" experience. When he hits or pushes, he can't bring himself to say sorry. This happened to me when I was little and I think it had a lot to do with pride, but for Asher is has a lot more to do with the sensory over stimulation that lead to the behavior in the first place. So we hug him from behind and take his hand for him and make the sign for "I'm sorry" on his belly, while we make him look at whoever he is trying to say sorry to. He always goes and gives the other person a long extended hug and after a few minutes will say "Sorry Mama...Daddy....Kylee...Ethan...Auntie..." But it has been almost as tough to teach as potty training...almost.

A few days ago I was sitting in the living room and my cat Dr. Seuss, scampered by me and dug his nails into my leg in the process. I immediately yelled "Seuss you suck!" Asher came up beside me, took my arm and made the sign on my belly for "sorry" and said "I sorry...say sorry...sorry Seuss!" Then he put my hand down and said "huggies" So I picked up Seuss, who still sucks by the way, and I hugged him. When I put Seuss down Asher said "say" I tried not to smile, because this is serious business for Asher, it was tough though. I looked at Seuss and said "I'm sorry Seuss, that was a mean thing for me to say" And Asher smiles and then gave me kisses. After kisses he ran away to play with his toys, but stopped at the door and said "Mama?" "A pwod a you" He was proud of me! And that made me tear up a little.

So some of our struggles, they suck. They are sad, frustrating and sometimes they make us cry. Sometimes it doesn't seem like Asher is learning anything from us at all, than nothing is sinking in. But then the light turns on "Ah ha!" and the student becomes the teacher! I'm grateful for the "ah ha" moments Asher gives us, when we realize we have so much to learn from him still, that we will teach him many things about life, but it may just be that he will teach us so much more.