Lola Aisling Cole was born on May 15th at 10:21 in the morning via scheduled C-section. She was 7lbs 10oz and 20inches long. She came into the world making odd animalish sounding noises that were super adorable, with a head full of almost black hair, and looking just like her daddy.
When Asher was born and they handed him to me, I was in a fog. Of course I loved him immediately, but I wasn't in love with him. That feeling of just instant adoration and intense baby love didn't wash over me right away. I loved him, I was happy, but it wasn't what people told me it would be.
With Lola however things went a little differently. First off, I didn't get to hold her because...well...C-section. I had to watch Phill hold and snuggle her while I violently shook on the table. But what I could see of her was amazing adorable. And I was a little jealous.
In recovery when I got my first snuggle and real good look at her, I was immediately bonded to her. I was full of giddy baby love, didn't want to give her over for anyone to hold. My daughter, My Lola. It was surreal in a way because after we lost Elisabeth, had such a difficult time conceiving and delivering Asher, and multiple miscarriages afterward, well it felt like I'd never have a daughter. I had lost my daughter and now had a son. But she is here and she is gorgeous and she in mine.
Sometimes I look at her and listen to her baby sounds....which are definitely more feminine than Asher's were, and I wonder if this is how Elisabeth might have been if life had been different. Would Phill have held her the way he holds Lola? Which is different somehow than he held Asher. He is smitten.
And speaking of smitten? Asher Ben. He loves her. We were really worried that Asher would resent her. But instead all day long he tells us how much he loves her, how cute she is, and how sad it makes him when she cries. Having a sibling has already been good for him. When she cries he tries to comfort her, he pats her head, rubs her belly, and tries to give her pacifier back. Sometimes if she isn't in her swing or bouncer and one of us isn't holding her, he will frantically search the house for her. He comes back crying and saying "Lola is missing" Poor kid, she is just in her bed napping. And then he gets mad at me and tells me Lola needs to be where he can see her. Those moments are great for getting him to understand how scared we get when we can't see him or know where he is.
When Asher came into our lives, he came in with a loud crash. My whole life changed and it all revolved around this very sick and demanding baby. Asher was all consuming. Lola came in quietly. She has just sort of become a fixture in our home, almost like she was always here. Nothing much has drastically changed...well except my sleep pattern.
And here we are. Six weeks today. How did that happen? I mean wasn't she just born, but always here at the same time? Six weeks. I've already put away newborn clothes and sold off her newborn cloth diapers. It is way more bittersweet this time. Every time something ends I hear a soft whisper in the back of my mind and heart saying "Last baby" My last baby. God I'm desperate to enjoy every last second of her. This is the last time I'll get to have these "firsts" and if I blink or get preoccupied with life, I might miss something. And I don't want to miss any of it.
There really is so much more yet nothing really left to say. She is here. She is beautiful. And the Family Cole Slaw, is finally complete. When I look at my kids together it is so hard to remember back to the time when we thought we'd never have a baby of our own. And look at us now. Life is funny that way.
